The End of the Beginning

So the beginning of my time in Thailand with the mission team here is now over. I wonder if I were this conscious of everything I say and do and experience when I were at home I would end up this full of things to share at the end of just one week.

Spending my first week here in Bangkok with a team from home was so wonderful - we have had the opportunity to participate in so many different things that are going on here in Thailand and I feel like now I have a pretty good scope of what God is doing in this city. Never have I been in a place that so starkly demonstrates the contrast between darkness and light. There are so many things that even after time to sit and process I do not have the words to describe, but my heart is full so I will try.

When I've had a few moments of spare time this week (which have been infrequent and short), I have been scribbling down little bits of things I'm learning. I think it might be best if for now I share some of those things, and then follow up this week with a post about each ministry we had the chance to participate in while the team was here. It's all just too much for one post.


Through studying Psalm 119 in preparation for doing ministry, I have learned to be grateful for my afflictions and failures, because it makes me that much more grateful for my salvation and helps me to understand grace. This concept comes from verse 71.

I believe that God allows us to fail and struggle with sin to the extent that we need to understand grace. As I continue to struggle with pride or an attitude that I can prove to God my worth as His follower, God will continue to show me how weak I am while I am still living life in the flesh here on earth. If I gain confidence in my ability apart from living completely intertwined from the Lord to live righteously, then God will allow me to wrestle with the sin of my own fleshly desires in order to teach me my need for Him. This means that when I recognize my weakness and learn what God teaches me about my pride, I can move from shame over my sin, to accepting the forgiveness and positional righteousness of Jesus, and then grow to be grateful for my afflictions. As I am broken-hearted over the hurt I have caused my Savior, I become overwhelmed by God’s love for me and plan for my life, and I am dedicated all the more to serving Him regardless of the perceived cost to my life. As I recognize what God has rescued me from, I am all the more grateful for the gift of salvation. When I realize how much mercy God has shown me, the more I am able to trust God for my future and dedicate myself entirely to showing Him how grateful I am for Him saving me from myself. The deeper, darker and more shameful my history of sin, the deeper, brighter and beautiful my heart of thanksgiving becomes as a result of God at work in me.

Doing ministry in a situation like this is never straight forward, and it is so easy on a day to day basis to lose sight of exactly WHO it is that I'm serving and to begin to focus on WHAT I'm doing. Only the proper perspective on my brokenness and God's holiness will allow me to stay grounded in the "good work He has called me to," and the only way to maintain this is a commitment to be in God's Word and prayer daily.

Through studying Colossians 4 I have learned amazing things about what my prayer life should look like - those who were a part of the Spotswood team heard me ramble on and on about it already, so if you're one of those, skip this paragraph. :) Prayer should be the beginning, middle and end of everything I do. It involves all three persons of the Trinity - God as Jehovah Jireh, provider, Jesus as Mediator, and Holy Spirit as intercessor - and thus is the best means of keeping up familiarity with God and growing to look more like Him. Prayer should never be entered into carelessly, but rather should be looked at as a labor of the faith - hard work that produces fruit. God often withholds something He intends to do in our lives as a means to teach us to continually return to Him, again and again, even with the same request - because prayer is not a means of petitioning God for what we want, but rather a means through which He transforms our hearts towards Him. Even a prayer to which the answer of "No" is given is not a waste - because we have spent time with a Mighty God and it is He who deserves our attention - not our circumstances which we present to Him. Speaking of attention, I learned about the Jewish definition of prayer - it has to do with the attention and the intention of the heart. When we pray, God is aware both of where the attention of our minds lies, as well as the intention of the heart in approaching Him. Without correct attention and intention, prayer does not take place. I could go on, but I'm pretty sure most/all of this is for me anyways.

God has also taught me about independence versus interdependence in the Christian walk of faith. I am not called to be OK all by myself. God does not call me to strive for independence. He gives us the gift of interdependence because He uses other believers to demonstrate to us His heart towards us and His character. GOD said it’s not good for us to be alone - but our culture values a person who is “strong enough” not to need to rely on others. The more independent I think I am, the more that I affected and swayed by the people around me. The more I surround myself with other believers, the more that I will grow in wisdom and my relationship with God, the stronger I become in the face of opposition and the more capable I am of remaining faithful when I am the “only one.” Obviously I am never truly alone - I have the Holy Spirit - but history has proven that every time I walk into an environment that is not primarily “Christian,” I fail to maintain a Biblical attitude and perspective, causing me to sin. I have always become spiritually discouraged and failed to maintain a Biblical perspective because I allow myself to become discouraged my loneliness. The only remedy when I am unable to find community is to spend as much time as possible alone with Jesus, which I have not always been faithful to do - but it is not wrong to need other believers when it is possible to seek them out. Independence should not be a source of pride - recognizing a need for others is submitting to the structure that God created and intends for His glory.

All right. There's my topical processing from the past week. I need to dedicate 1 post per ministry we participated in last week in order to really get down all the info, and I'm really excited about it because there are a lot of things that YOU can do to get involved with what is going on here!

Also - look at this sweet post that Claire put up for me!

http://claireinbangkok.blogspot.com/2012/08/welcome-laura-landry.html

You'll hear from me again soon! With more details next time, I promise!